Personal Commitments
Raymond De La Garza, Age 14: “This is the pledge that our group worked on to create. This pledge means a lot to us. We put in hard work and dedication on asking people in general if they would be willing to sign our pledge. We didn’t even know all the people we asked, so it was a fun experience for us. This is my pledge statement.”
Cynthia Alvarado, Age 14: “ We must start change with ourselves before we start with others. If we are in some way abusive, we need to stop and take things and other people’s feelings into consideration and get help. It may feel unnecessary at first, but it can make a big change. We have past stories and technology now to find out how not only people in our area go through this, but people around the world as well. It is really not in any way cool or fair. We need to inform kids at school more often and push them to know the difference from what is right and what is wrong. What I would personally do is have talks with my mom and my sister. They are the most important people in my life and I would not want them to get into something that could harm them…I pledge to choose respect over power. I am going to respect my partner and what he wants and what he feels. I will not feel as if I have the power in the relationship and treat him as if he is nothing. I am going to fully respect him and his decisions. I will not flip out if he does not want to do something. I will take his opinion into consideration and let him share what he has to say. Yet, the decision is still up to me. I am not going to let him feel as if he has the power. I would like him to respect me as I respect him. . . . I know in my heart that one simple action can change things for the better or for worse. I want to change things for the better. No more unnecessary abuse and unhealthy relationships.”
Male High School Student, Age 16: “I commit myself to promoting nonviolent relationships. I commit myself to respecting my partner in every way…I will listen to her and help her out with anything she doesn’t feel is right…I will respect boundaries both emotional and sexual. I will be honest to her and I will never use any form of physical, psychological or emotional violence. I commit myself to never making her feel bad about herself by using any form of putdown that might hurt her emotionally or psychologically. By being an active bystander I will try to fill them in with the best of my knowledge by telling them the facts of the damages that dating violence can cause to their partner (male or female).”
Tony De La Garza, Age 14: “I pledge that no matter what shall occur regardless of the moment, I will never use violence to solve a problem in a relationship. No matter how furious I get, I will never lay my hand on a lady. I will treat my partner with respect and always consent with my partner before initiating something sexual. I will listen to my partner and her feelings and thoughts. If I shall ever see anyone in any way I will try to stop the abuse and get the victim to safety. I will never allow someone to abuse their partners in any way. I will be a gentlemen by always respecting my partner’s boundaries and always be an example of what a healthy relationship looks like. The way I will choose respect over power: I will respect my partner’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions by listening and opening my mind to new ideas.”
Male High School Student, Age 14: “There are many things I can do to help prevent dating violence. One of the things I could do to help teens is tell them what they should look out for. . . I have never been in an abusive relationship but I have seen my friends getting abused. I know many things about this because I have seen and studied it. The main question I would ask them is if they have ever been physically abused by their partner. I would ask this question because it happens very often in relationships. It’s a sign that their partner is going to start hitting them a lot. That’s not a good sign for a young relationship. I will share things that I have learned about dating violence all through my life. I will do this by telling everyone how I almost abused my partner. I was going out with this girl. I don’t want to say her name. But we were going out for about a year. I started to get jealous because she hung out with people I either didn’t know or I didn’t like. This started becoming a big problem and I got mad because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I almost yelled at her. She said they were just friends, but I thought she was cheating on me with them. I couldn’t believe her, but I thought about it. I figured since I talked to other girls then I should let her do the same thing. I’ve never cheated on her. We broke up because I couldn’t believe her. I find out from her friends that she didn’t do anything. I made a bad choice because I left her. I almost abused her for that when she was telling the truth the whole time. I learned from that mistake to always trust your partner and talk to them about it. I don’t want other people to make the same mistake I made. You should always talk about how you feel with your partner. They will understand.”
Abimael Bramasco, Age 16: “I pledge to respect my partner and treat her the way I would want to be treated. I will help people that do not know if they are in an abusive relationship. I will give them the proper tools to help them to maintain a healthy relationship. One of the tools that I would give them would be a way to identify the signs of an abusive relationship. I would teach them where to go for help. I could explain how to handle a violent situation by being an active bystander. I would want to do this because I would not want this to happen to my siblings in my family. The reason why I would not want this to happen in my siblings is because I have known people that have had an abusive relationship and I would know that there are many negative effects.”
Nathaniel Hernandez, Age 14: “I pledge that I will choose respect over power by being equal with my partner and respecting their decisions and not to be over powering or over powered. I can prevent dating violence by getting help if I see any abuse, not abusing my partner and teaching my friends about how to report abuse and if they want to know how to see signs of abuse in their relationship. I will show others what I have learned by showing people my research, giving them advise if they need it and encourage them to start there own web sight or help them make a group doing the same thing we have been doing, and teaching kids reasons why its bad to abuse your partner and you don’t have to put up with dating violence. I can be an example to others by teaching them what we do in class taking people with me to go ask people to go sign a pledge to be against dating violence and help people with problems with their relationships.”
Yajaira Chavez, Age 15: “I pledge that I will share my knowledge about Teens Preventing Dating Violence with others who may be going through a situation of abuse by their partners. I will promote people to speak up and seek for help to end abuse. I will teach them the basics I learned about teen violence and the facts about teens in an abusive relationship. Teach them the red flags about people who may be in an abusive relationship and for people who may be abusing their dating partner. Because sometimes both the male & female don’t realize that one of them can be the abuser because they think they can control their partner by telling them what time to be home or by simply controlling them in every thing they do. The affects of an abusive relationship can lead to depression and low self confidence. I pledge that I will choose respect over power by demonstrating my partner respect and love as I want to be treated. Instead of wanting to over power and control my partner’s life, I will demonstrate that I want a healthy relationship by proving that what I learned showed me that abusing your partner is not right. That both female and male have the same rights as the other partner.”
Izamar Mandujano, Age 16:
“When I have any kind of relationship no matter what age, race, body shape they have…
I am going to listen to my partner at all times
I am going to respect them
I will not make them do things they do not want to do
We will get equal parts, not one more than the other
When I am mad, upset or hot tempered, I will control myself by not yelling or hurting my partner in any way
I will communicate with my partner in the bad and good times
I will not use my partner as an object of any kind
If I do not forgive I have to accept it and talk it out calmly
I will never cuss towards my partner
I will not put my partner down
I will learn to respect their space
I will develop good communication skills with my partner
My partner and I will help each other when we come across problems
I promise to tell my partner how I feel at all times
I will speak out when I do not feel comfortable
I promise to be supportive of my partner’s goals and dreams
I will speak out if I feel suffocated by my partner
If my partner puts all the blame on me and rubs all his/ her problems on me,
I will know he/she does not love me and I need to leave the relationship
I will speak out when I feel abused
I will never isolate myself because of my partner
I will think things through before acting
If do not feel right or feel afraid when I spend time with my partner
I will talk to someone about it and get help if necessary.
I Pledge to help stop teen violence starting in my own relationship.”
Rocio Moreno, Age 15: “I hope that when people read this (pledge) that it will get them thinking and they will want to be a part of this.”
Ashley Mongar, Age 16: “I choose respect over power any day! The elements of respect are far more important than having control of your partner. I believe that respect builds better understanding and trust in a relationship. A relationship is not based on telling each other what to do but compromising on different feelings. I will share what I have learned in Teens Preventing Dating Violence. By standing up whenever I see abuse happening in a relationship and tell the guy or girl what they can do to stop or help the abuse before it gets worse. I will share with the victims the statistics that I have learned in the class. To be an example to promote a healthy relationship I will show them the great advantage of having a boyfriend or girlfriend by showing how well my relationship is working out and what to do to keep and/or start a healthy relationship. Also I will spread the word about things that are needed to have a healthy relationship like good communication and trust there are many other things that contribute to a relationship but those were a couple. To help prevent dating violence I will speak up for what I know and I myself will talk to my partner about how I want the relationship to work and we will both have a good sense of compromise if I find that the relationship explodes at any moment I will stop the yelling and calmly talk about what I feel needs to happen.”
Cazandra Quintanilla, Age 15: “I, Cazandra, promise to respect the boundaries of my partner. Whether they are emotionally, physical, personal or sexually I will maintain this respect. When a situation comes to the table where my partner needs me I will be there for him. I will support him under any circumstance. I can help prevent dating violence by standing up for what I believe in and setting an example. I also commit to having healthy relationships in the future using the following qualities: trust, honesty, support, respect, and equality. I will share what I have learned with others by sharing facts and real live situations with my friends. I will give them my thoughts on teen dating violence and help them realize that it is not the way to go. I feel very strong against dating violence because I have personally witnessed my friends being abused. One of my good friends was with her boyfriend for about 11 months when he started getting physically violent with her. One day she came to me with bruises on her arm and I did not know what to tell her at the time. If I had taken this class before this incident I think I would have been more informed and could have given her a better insight about it. This class has made a giant impact on me as a person because how I have learned a lot more about teen relationships. I promise to follow through with my pledge and make a difference on many teen relationships.”
Courtney Chapman, Age 16: “I learned what to look for in an abusive relationship, how to go and ask for help. There are many things that people do because they think it is right but I know what is right. Stop an abusive relationship before it starts. The first sign of abuse get out! Don’t think that they’ll change for you. They usually won’t. Don’t be afraid to go and get help. There are always people out there willing to help. I have learned this all from one class. It has changed my thinking on relationships. It does not help to argue. Comprising is the best way to go. The solution is not fighting or yelling at each other. The solution is to help one another by talking. So I pledge to be the one that my friends can go to for help. I pledge that I will always be there for them if they have questions. No one female or male deserves to be in an abusive relationship. There are all kinds of abuse. Don’t think that is just physical. The abuse can be mental. They can tell you things that make you feel low. And that hurts more than physical abuse. Bruises heal but the way you feel takes more to regain.”
Lori Cantu, Age 15: “I pledge to always treat my partner with respect. I will show respect by giving them space, whenever they need and/or want it. I will demonstrate respect by never over reacting! I will stay calm in stressful situations. I will also be there for my partner when they need me the most. I will always choose respect over power. I take the stand of always choosing and supporting respect over power any day! There are many bystander skills that I will put into use such as recognize it when I see it! I will also be as helpful as possible to anyone that is experiencing dating violence. When I see it I will not let the abuse continue I will not be afraid to stop it! If there is a situation where it is too violent I will not be afraid to call for help.”
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